The following contain spoilers from the 2024 film, A Real Pain.
At its heart, A Real Pain explores two vastly different ways of navigating the emotional weight of being human.
David (Jesse Eisenberg) clings to stability through a predictable life—a wife, a child, and a steady job. Meanwhile, Benji (Kieran Culkin) thrives on chaos and deep, but fleeting connections.
The film doesn’t pass judgment on either approach. Instead, it pulls you into the messy, bittersweet dynamic between these cousins as they struggle to reconcile their differences and rediscover the bond they once shared.
The Double-Edged Sword of Benji’s Charm and Chaos
One line in particular from the film stuck with me and I keep thinking about it. Out of frustration, David tells Benji, “You light up a room, and then you sh*t all over everything in it.”
It’s a cutting, brutally honest observation that encapsulates both Benji’s character and the essence of their relationship. Benji is magnetic—charming, funny, and deeply empathetic. He has a rare gift for connecting with people on an emotional level, encouraging them to explore hidden or forgotten parts of themselves. But his unpredictability, tied to what seems to be untreated mental health struggles, often sabotages the very connections he is so gifted in creating. He’s the life of the party, but also the chaos that unravels once the music stops.
What makes this line so impactful is how much it says about David, too.
His love for Benji is undeniable, but so is his exhaustion. There’s a part of David that envies Benji—his ability to let go of societal expectations and live in the moment without worrying about what others think. Yet, at the same time, David can’t ignore the wreckage Benji often leaves behind.
Push and Pull of David and Benji’s Relationship
Their relationship is a constant push-and-pull: a mix of love, resentment, and envy. To David, Benji represents both freedom and frustration, embodying everything David wishes he could embrace and everything he feels he must avoid to maintain his carefully constructed stability.
One scene perfectly illustrates this dynamic. After David vents to their tour group about how exhausting it is to deal with Benji, he wins their sympathy—but only temporarily.
Moments later, Benji sits at a piano and effortlessly captivates the entire room with a wholesome, impromptu performance. The group’s attention shifts back to him, marveling at his charm and talent. For David, it’s a heartbreaking cycle—Benji’s brilliance and chaos are inseparable, and no matter how much Benji frustrates him, David is always drawn back into his cousin’s orbit.
A Gradient We All Fall Into
That single line—“You light up a room, and then you sh*t all over everything in it”—is more than just a sharp observation. It’s the emotional center of A Real Pain, perfectly capturing the messy reality of loving someone who is both brilliant and troubled. Or maybe, we are the troubled one who can’t find create that sense of safety we admire in others—and sometimes interfere with.
A Real Pain isn’t exactly an edge-of-your-seat, engrossing watch, but its a movies, or more concisely, its characters, stick with you. That’s probably why critics loved it, giving it a 96% score on Rotten Tomatoes, whereas audiences liked it, but weren’t quite as compelled, with a 78% rating.
The film doesn’t offer resolutions or easy answers. That’s what makes it so good.
Life, like the relationship between David and Benji, is often complicated and unresolved. And sometimes, the only thing to do is keep going, mess and all.
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